Your Sexuality and Aging

Time flies when you’re having fun. It even flies when you’re not. Age is definitely just a number. I know personally and from what I hear others say, how old you feel is more of a mindset. However, sometimes our bodies like to disagree, and this can definitely happen in the area of our sex life and overall sexuality.

I frequently talk to patients about how their sex lives have changed due to age, medical issues, relationship issues, children, moving, jobs, stress, and all the other fun things life throws at us. Being a sexual being as we age can be a bit of a challenge. With the right information and intellectual tools, you can keep getting your groove on, or get it back if it’s been missing. 

Below I will list and dive into some areas that people may be struggling with. The list is not in order of importance and also is not all encompassing. It may be a solo issue or a couple issue. Remember, you don’t have to have a partner to have a sex life. Self-love is a viable option. Masturbation can definitely be helpful when trying to transition back into activities with a partner. If this list brings up questions, reach out to me!

• Surgery: The older we get, the more likely we are to be the recipients of joint replacements, back surgery, shoulder surgery, etc. We may have precautions after surgery that require the choice of a different sexual position or some props to make things more comfortable and accessible. Even if we have not had surgery, aches and pains such as a bum knee or a stiff back can make our sex life more challenging and we may need to be creative with our sexcapades. 
• Lack of Desire: If I had a nickel for every time I heard an older person tell me about their “low libido” I would own property in Disney. Desire and arousal change as we age. I’ve written two blogs about this previously because it’s such a big and important topic. Feel free to check out Driving Yourself to Practically Perfect Desire and Low Sex Drive Driving You Crazy. The short version to a long story, is that desire levels change throughout life because of hormones, stress levels, emotions, and life circumstances. The best way to manage this is with understanding, humor, stress management and communication with our self or our partner. 
• Lack of Lubrication: This one stinks but it is just the reality for a majority of women as they age. This happens due to lowering levels of estrogen. The good news is there are some very good options for management, for vaginal moisturization and lubrication. Lube can be your best friend when you’re trying to keep an active intimate life going. 
• Erectile Dysfunction: I have a lot of female patients who have stopped being sexually active because their partner has issues getting or maintaining an erection. Yes, there are a few medication options out there to help with ED. However,  if the issue is related to blood flow, muscle tightness, sensory loss or pelvic pain pelvic floor PT can be helpful for this. It never hurts to have a PF PT check you out and give you some pointers on additional ways to improve your penile function. I have some tools in the box like c-rings, vibration and a “brushing” program to try!
• Incontinence: You can be a male or female. You may leak urine or poop. You may be lucky to have problems with neither. You may unfortunately have issues with both. There is nothing sexy about incontinence and it can make intimacy difficult. The good news is that Pelvic Floor PT has a 75-80% “cure rate” which means it can be really effective at alleviating or eliminating leaks!
• Change in Orgasm: Our nerves change as we age. For some, we have decreased sensation which can lead to an orgasm that may feel less strong than previous experiences. Weak pelvic floor muscles can lead to weaker orgasm. For those who experience pelvic pain, there may be pain with orgasm, which is also very disturbing. For others it just may take a little longer to get there and there may need to be more stimulation. Regardless of the issue, assessment of the  muscles and nerves can help things return to feeling more normal. Pelvic Floor PT can help to see if there is a way to improve your sensations.

I hope this has been informative for you and given you a sense of feeling that you are not alone if you are experiencing any of all of these. If you’re reading this article and thinking “Hey, this sounds a lot like what I am going through” I have two thoughts. 

A) I’m so sorry you’re dealing with any of all of this. 

B) I can help you! Don’t be shy!

Sex doesn’t have to be something just for those who are young. Unless your doctor specifically says “don’t have sex,” it should be an option to have some sort of intimate life if you want to! Pelvic Floor PT can help you to get back to the good times!

Perfectly Yours,

Dr. Mo