What is Sleep Training and Why Might it Be Helpful to my Family?
My dear friend Katie Roeder, is possibly one of my favorite and most frequent referrals for my new parents and baby clients. Why? She helps babies and kids sleep! This allows parents and their children to get the rest they need for their activities of daily living, including playtime, bathing, getting stuff done, peeing, pooping and even, maybe some intimacy for the parents!!! Check out her website and social media!
Katie says…
If you’re having trouble with your little one’s sleep and you’ve contemplated sleep training, you’re in the right place. You probably have a lot of questions, like:
“Is my baby old enough to sleep train?”
“Which method is best to use?”
“Will the crying damage my child?”
“Will sleep training damage our bond?”
“How many feedings should my baby get through the night?”
“Should my baby be sleeping through the night?”
“Will sleep improve once he starts solids?”
My name is Katie Roeder and I’m a Certified Sleep Consultant. Back when I had my babies I had no idea what a Sleep Consultant was nor had I ever thought about sleep training my little ones. Maybe you’re thinking, I still don’t know what a sleep consultant does or the reason for sleep training. Well, I’m going to share with you what sleep training is and why it could be helpful for your family. I will also share more about my story and how I can help your whole family get more sleep.
Katie’s Story
Mora and I went to college together and have stayed in touch through marriage, babies and our busy careers. After having my second baby I decided to leave my full time career in retail and do the stay at home mom thing. I wanted to continue to work, but be able to see my girls more than I did in my last job.
During this time at home I realized how off our sleep schedule was. When I was busy working I was going through all the motions, pushing past the sleep deprivation. It wasn’t until I was home full time that I realized we needed to make some changes.
My youngest (9 months at the time) would take over an hour to get to sleep and sometimes she would wake up as soon as her head hit the mattress. I would have to repeat the process all over again and some nights her and my 5 year old would be in bed with us. Not our ideal sleep situation. Sound familiar?
That’s when I discovered this gentle step by step sleep program and I decided to give it a try. It was like night and day, the difference we saw was LIFE CHANGING. I wanted to let other sleep deprived moms know that there was another way. Sleep became my passion and my new full time career.
What is a Sleep Consultant?
A sleep consultant is a certified sleep expert knowledgeable about the biological needs of sleep by age, safe sleep guidelines, as well as sleep hygiene. Every child has different sleep needs, but a sleep consultant will be able to share an age appropriate schedule for timing of naps and bedtime that will align with their circadian rhythm.
The child’s room environment and sleep routines are essential to good sleep hygiene. A sleep consultant will give recommendations for the darkness of the room and temperature as well as using other items like white noise and sleep sacks. There are many baby products marketed for sleep which in fact are unsafe. A sleep consultant is well versed on which items are safe to use and which ones are most beneficial.
Meeting with the sleep consultant can be in person or virtually and the sleep training approach should be customized to the child and the family’s parenting style. The goal is always independent sleep, but every family has different goals. Finding an approach that your family is comfortable with is important. I recommend being very open about any concerns or questions.
One of the main reasons families seek out a sleep consultant is not only for their expertise, but also for their support and accountability while they go through the sleep training process. This will look different depending on the consultant that you hire, some doing daily follow up and others using phone call support. By the end of the support plan, if parents are consistent and follow their consultant’s guidance their child should now be an independent sleeper.
What is Independent Sleep?
Independent sleep is when your baby has the ability to fall asleep on their own from being laid down AWAKE, not DROWSY or ASLEEP without assistance. This may sound impossible, but speaking from experience, it’s totally achievable. Some families decide to practice independent sleep early on and some wait to make changes when their current methods are no longer working (usually sometime after 3-4 months).
What happens at the 3-4 month mark? After babies transition from the newborn stage their sleep cycles change to mimic the 4 stage sleep cycle we follow as adults. When this change happens (known as the four month sleep regression), their sleep gets lighter. This is when most families start experiencing sleep struggles.
Why, you ask? Once your baby’s sleep starts to change, they cycle back to light sleep after each full sleep cycle. If your baby is nursed or rocked to sleep, your baby will often need help getting back to sleep when they cycle to light sleep. This can be frustrating if your baby is waking every 1-2 hours needing help to get back to sleep when they were previously sleeping longer stretches.
So how do you get your baby back to sleeping those longer stretches? Start laying your baby down awake, so you’re teaching them independent sleep. When they wake up in the night between sleep cycles they will start to learn how to connect those sleep cycles. This will require little to no intervention on your part giving you all longer stretches of uninterrupted sleep. Sounds easy right? In theory, but often families are stuck on how to encourage independent sleep without just letting their baby cry. Which leads me to my next topic.
What is Sleep Training?
What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the term “sleep training”? You probably envision something negative like a baby crying or the term “Cry It Out” comes to mind. The truth is that sleep training has gotten a very negative connotation synonymous with “Cry It Out” when really sleep training is more like sleep teaching. There’s also been a lot of discussion about whether sleep training hurts the attachment between baby and parents.
During the sleep training process there will be some crying which causes your baby’s cortisol level to rise (Stress hormone). However, there have been studies conducted measuring a baby’s cortisol level showing that when babies cry during sleep training, their stress levels actually decrease as they learn to fall asleep independently. Most anti-sleep trainers would say that your baby stops crying because they’ve learned to stop calling for you, but in reality your baby is figuring out how to fall asleep.
Sleep training is teaching your baby self soothing techniques to fall asleep independently without any sleep associations or “sleep props”. A sleep prop is something external that gets your baby to sleep that they can’t repeat on their own. Some common sleep props are feeding/nursing to sleep, rocking, bouncing, swinging, car rides and sometimes even a pacifier. These sleep associations can keep your baby from connecting their sleep cycles and sleeping long stretches at night. Independent sleep should be practiced for all sleeps, bedtime and naptime.
What are the different sleep training methods?
There are various sleep training methods out there, depending on your family’s parenting style and your child’s temperament. Sleep training is not one size fits all, but the most important thing is that you are comfortable with the approach you use and you’re ready to implement it with consistency.
Cry It Out (Extinction)
The Cry It Out method is also known as the extinction method. With this method you are laying your baby down awake in their crib and leaving the room. There are no check-ins or consoling with this method. Parents stay out of the room and let the baby fall asleep, not going back in until the next morning.
Often families will tell me they’ve tried to let their child cry it out in the past, but it didn’t work. Usually I find that they weren’t truly following the cry it out method and their lack of consistency and approach is why the method didn’t work. While the cry it out method isn’t one of the approaches I use with families it tends to be very effective when implemented correctly. This method is too aggressive for families nervous about crying.
There is always going to be some crying during sleep training, but choosing a method that allows you to respond to your baby and console them is often a better choice. It’s important to know that you cannot stop your baby’s crying during the process but with any method the crying will fade each night.
Check and Console
With this method you lay your baby down awake and leave the room. You decide on the amount of time you’re comfortable being out of the room before going back in to console your child. After you’ve waited that amount of time you go back in the room and use your voice and touch to calm your baby. Again, it’s important to share that you aren’t there to stop the crying, but offer reassurance staying for about a minute then leaving again.
You may be thinking that this method sounds like the Ferber method. There are some similarities, but the main difference is that the Ferber method has specific intervals to go in and out of the room which increase throughout the night and the week. With check and console you stick to the same amount of check in time before entering the room.
This is the most popular method I use with my clients and it often works the fastest because you’re giving your child time and space to self settle. When implementing this method with an age appropriate schedule during the day a family can see immediate changes in the first few days of implementing the plan.
The Chair Method
This method allows parents to stay in the room until their child falls asleep. You bring in a chair and keep it right next to the crib for the first few nights. After laying your child down awake you use your voice and touch to offer reassurance. Once your child is asleep you leave the room and after a few nights move your chair further away until you’re out of the room.
Families that have coslept previously or have anxiety about crying do well with this method. Again it’s important to remember that even when you’re right next to your child they are going to cry, but knowing that you are right there to soothe them is comforting. This is the other main approach that I use with my clients.
This also works really well with toddlers in a big kid bed that need mom or dad to lay with them every night. It keeps parents close by but helps the child get used to sleeping independently, gradually moving parents out of the room each night.
Pick Up Put Down
This method is the most gentle of all and is best utilized during the newborn stage. Pick up put down is when you lay your baby down awake, but stay close by. You’re giving them space to settle and fuss a little but when they start to escalate (not full on cry) you pick them up and walk around with them until they’re calm, but not asleep.
I encourage families to attempt this method after 6 weeks of age because it can become less effective as you approach the 10-12 week mark. After 3 months of age pickups can become more stimulating to your baby (when trying to work on independent sleep). They calm in your arms, but start crying again once laid down.
While this method is the most gentle it can take a little longer to get your baby to fall asleep and isn’t truly considered sleep training, more like sleep shaping. This is a more proactive approach to independent sleep for families wanting to create healthy sleep habits during the newborn stage.
What age can you start sleep training?
Now that I’ve shared the different sleep methods you may be thinking, well when can I sleep train my child? What’s the best age to start? You can start sleep training anytime after 3 months of age. Between 3-5 months is a very common time for families to start because of the four month sleep regression. Working on independent sleep is the fastest and most effective approach to getting through this regression.
More importantly than age, your family’s readiness should be the main factor in determining when to start sleep training. Sleep training can be hard emotionally and you have to implement it with consistency or you won’t see progress as quickly. If your child’s current sleep situation is no longer sustainable I encourage you to consider seeking out a solution that works for your family. A sleep consultant is a great resource to explain the process and next steps to help you achieve your sleep goals.
Will my child learn to sleep well without sleep training?
There are some babies out there that sleep well early on (with or without parents’ assistance) and continue to sleep well through toddlerhood. Those parents are definitely the lucky ones, but that’s not to say that you should feel forced to sleep train either. You need to do what works best for your family.
If you’re struggling with sleep and aren’t sure if sleep training is right for your family (or even where to begin) reach out for help. You can schedule a free evaluation call with me so we can talk more about your little one’s sleep and how a customized sleep plan and support can help!
