“Let’s Marvin Gaye and Get It On”
Ok, so you can’t get it on with me because I’m just your friendly, neighborhood PT who happens to specialize in pelvic health issues. BUT I do care about you having the best sex life you can have!
If you’re reading this and have no issues with your sex life, I’m super happy for you. This is not necessarily the post for you. There is also a LOT of TMI here. Feel free to keep scrolling onto something else if that isn’t for you!
For a large percentage of men and women, having a comfortable and healthy sex life can be really difficult (stats like 60 – 75%). Sexual dysfunction can start during one’s first sexual experience, it can pop up later in life after a large life change like child birth or menopause, after an illness like cancer, or after a traumatic event – sexually traumatic or not. Just like each person’s intimate life is different, so is sexual dysfunction and struggles with intimacy.
A little about my struggles with sex….being the good catholic school girl, I waited sometime before trying to have intercourse. When I did, I was very disappointed to find it was PAINFUL. I felt like I had been lied to. I thought things like:
“Why do people chose to do this?”
“How do people do this long enough to make babies?”
“What are my roommates raving about?”
“WTF is an orgasm?”
I felt like less of a woman. I gave up, broke up with my partner and decided to just be by myself, alone, forever. No marriage or kids for me, how could I if sex made my cry every time?? But if you know me, you know that lasted for about 5 minutes before I researched, asked questions, visited a million different doctors and pleasantly annoyed medical professionals until SOMEONE gave me a good answer.
This was in the form of my mom’s ObGyn who was the one who initiated the conversation with me after my reaction to the speculum – hint…it wasn’t pretty. She talked to me about the size of my vaginal canal and how tight my muscles were and why nothing was going to fit easily inside of me in their present condition whether it be tampons, speculums, fingers, toys or a penis. She started me on a dilator and stretching program and this was life changing for me. She also explained this is why I always had to pee, had UTIs all the time and was prone to constipation.
Since then, being an advocate for other people’s pelvic health has been super important to me. No one should have pain during sex. No one should consent to let a partner hurt them. No one should feel “less than” because things aren’t working in that area. Also, what is portrayed to us about intercourse by society, media, movies and TV is so blatantly different what most women and men experience. I have young girls cry in my office about this ALL. THE. TIME!
The truth is….
Only 60% of women orgasm with intercourse – most still need clitoral stimulation
30 – 40 % of men experience premature ejaculation at some point in their life
About 15% of women can’t tolerate penetration without intervention
Multiply age x 10 and you have the percentage of erectile dysfunction: example 50% of 50 year old men!
60% of women experience pain with intercourse after childbirth
It takes men 3 – 5 minutes to reach orgasm, while females need 11+ minutes
Refractory periods (when a male can have a second erection) can be 10 minutes to 20+ HOURS!!!
This is just the tip too (pun totally intended).
Don’t believe what you watch or read unless it is from a TRUSTED medical journal. Instead, reach out to a support system that is informed in these issues, to get information and treatment specific to your issues and needs. Sex is an activity of daily living in that a person should have the option of engaging in sexual activity if they so choose, not limited by pain or discomfort.
Tune in tomorrow for Practically Perfect’s Facebook live with Toni Marie Mullin – OTR/L and Pure Romance director for some tips to have a “Purely Perfect Sex Life!”
Practically Yours,
Dr. Mo
