Self Love: Are You Not Entertained?

So I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but the millennials and Gen Z have been having some heated debates. These two age groups are debating about how to part hair and the right kind of jeans to wear. Firmly being in the millennial age range, I have to go with a side part and skinny jeans. But there is one movement Gen Z has been making that I can get behind. This generation is being very open about the topic of “self love.”

If you’re not comfortable learning about masturbation (self love), here is your cue to stop reading. You’ve been warned. Do not continue! However, if you’d like to learn a little more about the topic of self entertainment, thanks for joining me further.

Self love or masturbation can be a touchy subject. Growing up with a catholic background, I too have heard how touching yourself is a sin. **Rolls eyes** I took an adult religious education class a few years ago, to receive my confirmation, and this was one of my sticking points. Thirty two year old me spent 2 hours explaining to her much older classmates that masturbation has a great value in sexual health and well being. Also, why would god or any deity give us the ability to have such a wonderful feeling if we weren’t supposed to enjoy it?

There is just no convincing me that self love is bad when it is performed with healthy habits. There are a few instances where I encourage a little less self love, like my poor gentlemen with issues with premature ejaculation. However, I frequently talk to patients about this topic because I address sexual function as much as my patients want to talk about it.

Some things I might ask:

Do you have pain with orgasm when masturbating? 

Does your orgasm differ by yourself vs with a partner? 

Do you have difficulty reaching orgasm when solo or with a partner? 

Does it hurt to touch yourself sexually?

Does it hurt when you penetrate yourself with your fingers or toys?

Do you have trouble maintaining your erection while masturbating or only during intercourse?

Why do I ask these things?

Because I’m always trying to figure out where the issue is coming from and how we fix it, if sexual dysfunction is happening. Is it an issue of an overzealous partner in combination with delicate skin? Is it an issue of trust? Is it an issue of performance anxiety or emotional stress? Is it a matter of a preference not being addressed? 

When patients have sexual issues, be that pain, difficulty with arousal or orgasm, I encourage them to explore on their own first. Partners are not mind readers. We cannot expect them to know what turns us on, if we don’t know ourselves. A little self love and exploration can make it much easier to clearly communicate your needs, likes and dislike when you are with a partner. If self love is something you’re not comfortable with that is 100% ok, but don’t let anyone make that decision for you with guilt and old school values.

Some other benefits of self love? I feel sexual function is a little bit of “use it or lose it.” If we don’t have a partner, it’s a good idea to keep blood flow, lubrication and stretching happening in those pelvic floor tissues to keep them healthy. Pelvic floor muscle contraction happens with orgasm and pelvic floor strength is almost always a helpful thing. Self love can also be a form of self care and stress relief.

So Gen Z and I may not agree on all the things, but on the topic of more self love and this being a mainstream practice and conversation, I am on board!

Perfectly Yours,

Dr. Mo